Thereโs an ache I never expected: the pain of being hurt by fellow believers.
We brace ourselves for wounds from the worldโcriticism, rejection, unfair treatment. But when those wounds come from within the Body of Christ, from the very people who are supposed to stand with us, it hits different. It feels personal, like the sanctuary where we ran for refuge has suddenly turned into a battlefield.
Letโs not sugarcoat this: church hurt is real. It can rattle your faith, making you question everythingโyour trust in people, your place in the church, and even your connection to God.
Betrayal by a leader you trusted. Gossip from believers who once called you โsisterโ or โbrother.โ Moments when you were judged instead of loved. These are the moments that cut us deep. And if weโre not careful, those wounds can fester into bitterness.
But Scripture offers us a lifeline, reminding us of God’s intimate care:
โThe Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.โ (Psalm 34:18)
Hereโs the beauty of this verse: God doesnโt dismiss your pain. He doesnโt say, โGet over it.โ He acknowledges it fully and promises to be close to you in the middle of it. Godโs healing isnโt hurriedโitโs tender, patient, and always enough.
So, if youโre walking through church hurt today, let me share some steps that might guide you toward biblical healing.
1. Bring Your Wound Directly to God
Let me be realโwhen the hurt is fresh, the temptation to vent or lash out is overwhelming. Maybe you want to post about it, call someone to rant, or pull away completely. I get it. But Iโve learned that the first and most important step is to take the wound straight to God.
Jesus modeled this when He was insulted, betrayed, and mistreated. Instead of retaliating, He entrusted Himself to the One who judges justly (1 Peter 2:23). Thatโs an anchor for us. Pour out your hurt honestly in prayerโno filters, no holding back. God can handle your raw emotions, and He wants to carry this burden for you.
2. Separate Godโs Character from Manโs Failings
This one hits hard. When believers fail usโespecially leadersโit can feel like a reflection of God Himself. But hereโs the truth we need to cling to: People will fail us, but God never will.
โJesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.โ (Hebrews 13:8)
Godโs faithfulness doesnโt waver because of human shortcomings. When we anchor our faith in Christ instead of imperfect human systems, we can find stability even in the chaos. I know itโs hard to untangle the two, especially when trust feels shattered. But when you remember Godโs character is unchanging, itโs like grabbing hold of solid ground in a storm.
3. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Can we admit that church hurt is a form of spiritual grief? When I walked through it, I felt the weight of losing something sacredโa safe place, a sense of belonging, maybe even a spiritual mentor. Itโs okay to grieve that loss.
Davidโs psalms are a safe haven for moments like these. He cried out to God in anguish, mourning betrayal and heartbreak. So if you need to weep, lament, or express frustration, do it. Grief is part of healingโit allows you to process the pain so it doesnโt stay bottled up inside.
4. Pursue Forgiveness โ But Understand It’s a Process
Letโs be honest: forgiveness isnโt easy. Itโs not about saying, โWhat happened was okay,โ because often, it wasnโt. Forgiveness is about choosing to break the chains of bitterness. (Hebrews 12:15)
Iโve wrestled with this personally, and itโs taken time. Some days, forgiving felt impossible. But slowly, as I brought the hurt to God, He softened my heartโnot because they deserved it, but because I needed freedom. Forgiveness isnโt just for the one who hurt you; itโs for you.
If youโre struggling to forgive today, know that itโs okay for it to take time. God walks with you in this processโpatiently, lovingly.
5. Find Safe, Healthy Community
Healing doesnโt happen in isolation. Iโve learned that the antidote to toxic community is healthy community. Ask God to lead you to a Spirit-led group where accountability, grace, and truth coexist.
Not every church or circle will be safe, and itโs wise to proceed with discernment. But when you find those people who love Jesus deeply and care for you authentically, itโs like fresh air for a weary soul. God designed us for connection, and He often uses His people to help us heal.
If Youโre Hurting Today:
Hear me: Your pain is not the end of your story. The same Jesus who was betrayed by His own disciples understands your hurt intimately, and He will gently restore you.
โHe heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.โ (Psalm 147:3)
You donโt have to face this alone. God sees your wounds, He cares deeply, and He will heal what feels broken. One day, this pain will become part of your testimonyโa story of grace, redemption, and restoration.
๐ Prayer: “Lord, heal the wounds inflicted by those who were meant to love us. Help us not to confuse the failings of man with Your perfect love. Restore hope, rebuild trust, and remind us that You are our true Shepherd. In Jesusโ name, Amen.”
